Not a week after Sebastian was born, I had to go to the supermarket with my husband and 14-month-old son Toby (I think we were picking stuff up for the funeral). When we were checking out, the cashier commented on how cute Toby was, and then asked "Is he your only one?"
I tripped over the words; "Yes... He is..." not knowing what else to say. As soon as I got out of the store I started crying. I felt so guilty, and I decided going forward I would tell the truth. But I wasn't prepared for that moment, I hadn't even thought about the questions people will say. I felt like a horrible mother to Sebastian. I said over and over again, "I love you, Sebastian... I'm so sorry!"
It's been really shocking to me how simple, innocent questions can hurt so bad and can leave me speechless. It's definitely made me more aware of other people and what their sensitivities might be. But at the same time I know people can't walk on eggshells around me, I don't want people to feel like they can't ask those simple questions. My issue is knowing how to respond. Yes, it's painful. But that's part of life after a stillborn and a miscarriage.
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